Virtual Relationships

As a person communicates, whether through words, actions or writing, there is an unseen energetic signature that is also generated. This energetic signature goes beyond the words spoken, beyond tonality and even beyond the person’s body language. What I am talking about here is simply the energetic congruency of the person’s verbal and non-verbal communication in relation to their own personal energy, without even considering any other factors such as what they look like, their interests and how they live their lives.

What has this to do with internet dating you may ask? It is not unusual for some people to spend a long time conversing to and fro via email messages, discussing common interests and discovering more about each other, starting to create a virtual relationship before hearing the sound of each other’s voice or meeting face to face. During this time, we can build up great rapport which satisfies us at an intellectual, social, friendship and even flirtatious level, where we begin to connect so strongly, that instinct and intuition fly out the window, and before we know it, we are emotionally involved with an unknown person with hopes and expectations, dreams and desires, anticipation and excitement. But until we actually meet, this person is just a figment of our imagination!

Words are powerful things. Words are seductive. Words can be bouquets, they can be like boxes of chocolates with delicious tastes and textures; they can lead you or they can mislead; they can limit or release. They can uplift you or cast you down; can create or destroy. The power of words is such that they will always have some effect somewhere, for better or for worse. One should be aware of that.

Words have specific meanings according to who is writing them, and specific meanings to the receiver. So you may need to ask what the other person means rather than automatically assuming that you share the same interpretation. What is their meaning? What is their intention? And what emotional state or awareness are you are in when you receive the message? This is not about analysis – it is about awareness.

When we spend a long time just conversing by emails or texts, much of what we seek is not satisfied at a primal level; we are only receiving superficial intellectual information, not actually catering to our most vital and life-supporting necessities. This is more than the elusive sexual chemistry that people talk about – it’s not just about how we get on, nor how the energy is between us, but also whether that person satisfies our most basic survival and nourishmental needs. So the sooner you speak with each other, and the sooner you get to meet, the sooner you will establish if together you have any possibility of creating that magical dance of caring, love and affection, emotions, hormones and stimulus, and whether there is any possibility for harmony and growth as a couple.

It is only in the presence of the other that you can ascertain if there is congruency and integrity between who they say they are and how you actually feel when you are with them - whether they are good for your life or whether their energy will drain you.

Once in the presence of the other, you will be able to read their energetic signature at an unconscious level within the first few seconds. Take note. It is vital that you do not over-ride your instinct and intuition with logic. Logic is head-centred – intuition is heart-centred, where the love inside you is looking out for you, protecting you, guiding you, forewarning you, supporting you. Fail to listen at your peril!

Voice is about tonality and emotional content rather than actual content. How does their voice make you feel? What does your body say to you when you hear their voice? Can you communicate with ease and elegance?

How can you find out if they are congruent and telling the truth? Put the word “Truth” at the beginning of a question and see what evolves. Somehow this seems to by-pass the conscious faculty in the brain and tap into a part of the person which will either have no option but to tell the truth, or you will know their answer as a falsehood by a shift in energy.

Ask your body “Will this person satisfy my body’s needs for nourishment and care and loving attention?” You will get an answer if you tune in; you will know at gut level whether this person is good for you or not. This is nothing to do with judgment – it is about whether your life-force and theirs are in a heart-loving space for each other’s essence to bloom.

Why is this all so important? We have over-ridden so much of our instinct with society’s niceties, taught to look for status and external trappings, rather than listening deep inside ourselves at heart and soul level. But nature really does know best what is right for us. As infants, voice, smell and touch are the first things we experience. Our primary sense is smell – this is what bonds us to our mother and father, informs us where our nourishment is coming from and sustains us with a feeling of belonging and security.

The next most important sense is that of touch – as babies we have a primal need to be held, touched, caressed and held close to another’s skin for several months in order to feel loved and accepted. Most adults, because we don’t actually receive sufficient touch as infants, carry around with us what has now been termed as a “primal wound” which we seek to have healed in our intimate relationships. Our emotional well-being is very much tied up here as we yearn to be unconditionally accepted and nourished through touch, even though psychologically many people have built up barriers against it.

The next most important sense is auditory, when the sound of our parents’ voice is imprinted in our mind as we learn to recognize the tonality and speech that represents love. These all come before our sight is sufficiently focussed to recognize the faces of our carers.

We cannot smell the other person via email, cannot sense their touch or the way they caress our face or hand. Until we meet, chances are we will build a picture of who we think the other person is rather than letting our primordial satellite navigation system guide us.

Does this mean all virtual relationships are doomed? Not at all – just stay tuned in. Your body’s perfection will tell you the answers. It will guide you towards your beloved.


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