Judgment, Decisions, Tolerance and Acceptance

How these can all create disaster in a relationship, and what you can do to change it around totally? 

As human beings we feel we have to supervise everything, in other words look with control. This is the super-vision of the ego that wants to manipulate and dominate, often for fear of getting things wrong.

But do you know, 98% of our thoughts feelings and actions don’t actually belong to us? They are “borrowed” from other people, taught to us and conditioned in us, mostly before the age of 2. Then we grow up looking at the world and our relationships through these conditioned reactions. Judgment, decision, tolerance and acceptance put massive limitations around the possibilities in our own life and in a relationship, and are all ways of closing down potential.

We judge our own sex as well as the opposite sex. For women there is unspoken massive guilt as from the earliest of times they have been accused as tempting man away from his connection with God. Laughable though this may seem in our modern age, it is deeply imprinted in their cellular memory.

Men carry deep guilt too. They have been taught that nothing good came from man, only from woman; that they are bad not only for having suppressed women, but also for putting them through the pain and suffering of childbirth, and at an unconscious level often feel they have to heal and make up for all the damage done, which can show up as trying to solve problems but also as resentment.

We have assumptions too about the other sex which come out in our behavior and verbally towards each other, as you will hear in many conversations. So imagine how it will be when we stop invalidating each other.

All this leads us to feel powerless, but when that happens, it is where you have turned your awareness 180% in order to fit in. So give yourself permission now to turn it back 180% to see your own real point of view. It’s time now to stop devaluing yourself and let go of all these judgments – to look for the greatness in the other and in yourself, rather than the limitations.

Judgment

You will be amazed how many of us judge ourselves to be wrong much of the time, because we hide it so well. Some religions have taught us that we are born in sin, live in sin and that sex is sinful. When you judge this, you make your very existence wrong, and limit who you are. We judge our body and our talents for not being enough, and if someone else rejects us we make ourselves wrong, rather than acknowledging that it’s just their point of view. Thus we walk around with the “wrongness” of us locked into every cell. Our sensuality feels like wrongness, and even our joy feels like wrongness as if we are supposed to be as sad as everyone else. When we judge ourselves we have no option but to judge others, because in order to judge anything, whether good or bad, we have to have been there and done it ourselves at some level, even if only in our imagination. Let me give you an example here: “What’s that?” (excitement and curiosity) or “Ooh, gross” (judgment)

The habit here is to look for the wrongness of you – we’ve all been indoctrinated from day 1. So if you’ve not conformed, you are told you are wrong, and so in order to protect yourself, you automatically look for the wrongness in others.

Judgments and limitations stop us seeing the real person in front of us and create barriers between us; they are solid and unmoving as we buy points of view that keep us trapped. We lock definitions of ourselves into our body that we are too young, too old, too stupid, too pink, too blue, too different, but it’s all programming. We can’t receive goodness and kindness when we create these barriers. The more you eliminate barriers, the more information falls into your consciousness, and awareness of everything increases, which makes life so much more interesting and exciting.

How many definitions have you locked into your body? Be willing to be the inspiration and start to see the beauty that you truly are.

Decisions

The word decision comes from the Latin word decidere which means ‘to cut out any other possibility.’ So that means every time you make a decision, nothing can come into your awareness that does not match that decision. So you may decide that someone’s perfect for you and you fail to notice that they do not tell the truth or that they are cheating you. Or on the other hand, you may decide someone is wrong for you in order to fit into your family’s idea of who you should be with, and fail to notice all the things that are right. Your unconscious mind will work very hard to prove to you that your thoughts are correct, so it’s time to wake up and become more conscious in your relationships.

Tolerance and Acceptance

To tolerate someone’s behaviour is in itself judgmental and has an element of superiority about it, as if you are better than them. It is seeing the wrongness of someone and despite that, agreeing to put up with it. Acceptance is a begrudging of someone and who they are, and neither of these have any heart in them.

So what can you do to turn this round? Are you willing to take a risk of being open to creating something far more dynamic, where you can choose with far greater awareness?

A risk is a very special opportunity to transform. We hold on so tightly to our own beliefs and “stuff” that there is no room for anything else; we get weak if we avoid taking risks and we lose energy. Trusting someone is a risk and there may be some disappointment, but you don’t have to give so much importance to disappointment. The fact that you are alive and reading this means that you are far stronger than you think, and that you can support your mistakes in life. So when would now be a good time to let go of all these limitations and jump out? It is far better to have 1000 disappointments than not take enough risks.

It’s time to stop creating yourself as the limited being you pretend to be and claim and own the magnificence of who you are. Start by asking yourself more powerful questions, because the quality of your life is in direct proportion to the quality of the questions you ask yourself. When you ask questions such as “What has to happen to...?” “Who do I need to become in order to change ...?” your life will expand.

Life-contracting questions such as “Why?” produce life-contracting answers e.g. “Why can’t I find the right person to be with?” will bring out all sorts of negative answers – because you’re too old/too fat/too thin/too young/too intelligent/too stupid/ green/bald/short/tall. Using “What/ when/where/ who questions instead, encourage the unconscious mind to expand and awaken, to come up with new experiences to guide you into a new way of enjoying your life.

Living in the question is the only way to break free and allows the expression of who you really are and who the other person is. In turn this creates depth, harmony, excitement, newness, a sense of wonder and awe.

“What has to happen for me to...?” “Where do I need to focus my attention right now?”

“How can I honor and nurture my body today? What does my body need right now? How can I honor my partner/s body?”

Start looking for the greatness rather than the limitations in yourself and others. We try and stay invisible and not let others see how amazing we are, and then of course they do the same. Take the lid off the box and let yourself out. Give up the sadness and embody the joy. Dare to let go of all the things you’ve pretended to be - it’s such a relief. Start seeing yourself as the unlimited being you truly are, and claim and own your knowing.

When you are in allowance of who the other person is, it takes away such a large amount of effort. It’s just a point of view – neither right nor wrong.

SO, if you take away judgment and decision, what is left? There is choice. You can choose moment by moment how you want to live and love.

Be at choice instead of decision.

Be in allowance instead of tolerance and acceptance.

Be in awareness rather than judgment. It will change your life.



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