The Key To Inner Peace

There is nothing to be gained by becoming enmeshed in the dramas and stories of life. Each event is simply designed to bring to our attention our habitual and often extreme emotional reactions. And until we acknowledge, become fully aware of and then embrace those emotions, events will continue to present themselves which ensure the same emotion is elicited. In short, we carry on experiencing the same old issues until we spot the underlying emotion that is crying out to be seen. It is the emotion, and never the event itself, which holds the key to completion and peace.

We may experience twenty different situations which all generate the same emotional reaction – be it anger, resentment, loathing, frustration, bitterness, jealousy, superiority or any other. Yet we often hide or mask our response because we don’t want to upset anyone or indeed upset ourself.

We are conditioned not to express certain feelings because they are typically deemed negative or damaging, so we pretend they don’t exist. But our emotions are a critical part of us that want to be felt, they want to be recognized, they want to be embraced. They do not want to be brushed under the carpet or denied. To do so is only to ensure they return again and again.

We struggle with the concept of saint and sinner, yet it is within us all. From childhood we are encouraged to be ‘good’ and to master our ‘bad’ points, but mastery does not mean denial or suppression, neither does it mean acting out. Mastery means allowing ourselves to see the truth of who we are - the good, the bad and the ugly - and embracing it all. It means becoming aware of our emotional responses, no matter how painful or seemingly revolting, and acknowledging that they are a crucial part of us – a part just as real and necessary as our so called virtues.

This embracing or ‘allowing’ is the key to growth and development on every level – emotional, physical and spiritual. As long as we keep on analyzing and judging the events that take place in our lives, instead of becoming aware of the emotions we display in response to them, we will get nowhere. Relationships will remain the same, our view of the world will remain the same, events will remain the same. It is true that only by accepting the truth of the totality that we are can we be set free. Playing Mr Nice Guy or Miss Perfect serves no purpose. This is not however an invitation to invent a new identity - that would just be masking one façade with another - but merely to start owning up to our so-called ‘less- than-perfect’ traits and embracing them.

There is no such thing as good or bad, beautiful or ugly, kind or evil. They are just opposites. Hot and cold are viewed differently depending on whether one is in the midst of a frozen wasteland seeking warmth or in the midst of a scorching desert seeking coolness. It’s a matter of perception. There are however stereotypical perceptions which we have been brought up to adopt as beliefs.

It is universally condemned to be angry, violent, abusive or loudmouthed and yet the people who exhibit these responses are only doing so because they have never taken ownership of them. They have just assumed this is who they are and consequently they carry on being exactly the same. Yet if for one minute they could stop, during or after the heat of their reaction, and notice what they were doing - manage to become conscious of their habitual behavior - they would in that moment pave the path for a whole new way of being.

Anyone can accept themself as a saint. Few can accept themselves as a sinner, but that’s only because religion and society have created the perception that certain emotions or behaviors are sinful. The very word ‘sin’ induces feelings of guilt and unworthiness when in fact there is no such thing. Emotions are emotions, pure and simple - responses which can be disabled simply by noticing them and accepting that they are a part of our make-up. They want to be integrated. Denying them only exacerbates them and stops any progress being made.

So, the next time, you find yourself experiencing what seems to be a recurring theme in your life, stop looking at the actual event and start, as best you can, looking with utmost honesty at the recurring emotion you are feeling. That is the only path to acceptance, inner peace and change in your circumstances. And, whatever you do, don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get it immediately. There is no right or wrong time and you haven’t screwed up. Change happens at its own pace.