Forgiveness And Understanding

There is a common ‘spiritual’ belief that forgiveness brings about healing. To some extent this is true. However, when we forgive someone, it usually means that we think we are right and they are wrong, and therefore we are forgiving them for their wrong-doing. Alternatively, some of the more self-aware might come to the recognition that it is we who are wrong and they who are right, and on that basis we forgive them too. However, the problem is that whichever way we see it, the act of forgiveness automatically requires that one party be right and the other party be wrong. In other words, it creates separation between the person over here who is right and the person over there who is wrong. Hardly very forgiving.

Understanding, however, brings a different dynamic altogether. When we understand that we all behave according to the way we have been unconsciously conditioned by our individual upbringing and environment, then we can no longer see any interaction in terms of right and wrong. When we recognize that our thoughts, feelings, words and actions are almost entirely driven by old unconscious patterns hidden deep in the cells of our nervous system, then we also understand that everyone else is programmed in exactly the same way. Our behavior is simply an expression of our life’s programming and their behavior is simply an expression of theirs. There is no right or wrong.

Where forgiveness may create a sense of separation and actually mask a subtle self-righteousness, understanding creates the complete opposite – a sense of Oneness. Understanding helps us realize that we are all actually the same, nobody more right than another. We just act in the way we have unknowingly become accustomed to act. We are living reflections of all we have ever experienced, collages of our varied lives.

All over the world we can see examples of people unwittingly fighting over beliefs which were unconsciously programmed into their nervous systems as they grew up. They are completely unaware that they are slaves to conditioning which they inherited without choice. They have no idea that their actions are driven by fears and prejudices hardwired into their cells and that they are simply behaving in accordance with their programming. Does this perhaps explain what a man called Jesus meant when he said ‘forgive them for they know not what they do’?

By becoming more conscious of how and why we re-act the way we do, we rise above judgment and fear of differences between us and draw together. It's not about right or wrong! It's just a question of understanding how we habitually behave, acknowledging it, realizing that this is not who we really are and releasing ourselves from the old repetitive patterns.

Ironically, the act of understanding does bring about forgiveness, but not in a holier-than-thou way where one party still believes themselves to be right. Understanding brings compassion and creates a solid ground on which all are equal. It fosters love. The more we become aware of and understand our unconscious patterns, the more loving we become and the more love we attract into our lives.

And the whole point of this dating site is to foster love .. through understanding. 


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